Com 410 Unit 1

(This post is the first in a series of observations and thoughts about what I'm learning in my Com 410 - Gender Communications class.)

In Unit 1, we looked at our preconceived notions of gender communication, talked about the basic definitions and terms involved in the idea of gender communication, and we looked at the "personal effectiveness" approach to gender communication.

I was also really interested in the six values the text talked about that are valuable in long-term effectiveness in gender communications. The values I thought were most important:

Value 1: Equality of Power. I think equality of power in gender communication is one of the most important in my life, especially in my communication with my husband. In our relationship, much of the conflict stems from issues of power and control. My husband was an only child in a household which gave him an unhealthy amount of power over the family dynamics. Sometimes he seems to think the entire world revolves around him, and he expects to be in control of many situations that should involve our shared influence. Therefore, working towards an even distribution of power is important for us to be able to communicate effectively. I like how the text defines empowerment as the shared approach to power that capitalizes on each partner’s strengths in the relationship.

Value 2: Talking About it Makes it Better. Again, relating to my personal life, I think this is another critical aspect of effective gender communication. My husband is one of the stereotypical “keep it bottled up inside until you explode” types, which leads to a great deal of conflict and struggle within our relationship. A mutual understanding of the benefits of talking things over would help us have more successful communication in our relationship. On the other hand, the common opinion is that men don’t agree with this value, and they’d much rather ignore problems or pretend they don’t exist rather than risk a “relationship conversation.”

Value 5: Being Open-Minded and Willing to Change. The text states that “open-mindedness and the ability to change are positive values for all relationships.” I think this is a very important part of effective communication in any form. The willingness to listen to the other person and to change one’s mind when necessary is crucial to a good interpersonal dynamic – why should I talk to you if I know I’ll never succeed in getting through to you? One recent example of this: My husband and I have been trying to sell our expensive SUV and get a cheaper vehicle, but with three kids, our options are fairly limited. I was dead set against a minivan (I was hoping for a roomy wagon or crossover), but he convinced me that the extra space in a minivan would be worth the humiliation of driving it.

Value 6: Treating Another Person as an Individual. Finally, treating everyone as an individual goes a long way towards effective communications. Besides the obvious avoidance of characterizing my husband as just another insensitive jerk who forgot my birthday (which is inaccurate and not helpful in any way, even if he did forget my birthday), noticing individuality helps us to make the most of interactions with others by not having preconceived notions of how the other person will behave.